On Toxic Relationships..A Poem.

She didnt know what a balance relationship looks like,
What a healthy relationship looks like,

So when he hoovered her with his attention and time;
she was hooked 

like a junkie
His junkie 

Got her all addicted to his lies
his eyes,
his empty smiles..

He promised her the stars,
the universe,
his loyalty, royalty
And
A forever...

She didn't know what a balance/ healthy relationship looks like
So..when he was mad, he wanted her to
Go mad..
Be sad..
As if her being mad and sad meant:

She was loyal
that her love was real

He drove her
crazy..
Insane
Unstable.
Insecure
And unsure..

He did it all purposely
With one purpose in mind..
To break her.
To make her and,
mold her into a thing that was compatible to his whims

You see,

There were days when...

She used to question her sanity.
Pushed everything and everyone and hid behind her sheets..
Days when she felt the world shaking...breaking her knees
An earthquake paralyzing her spine

She used to wonder if;

If heartache ever lead to sudden death
If heartache was a curable disease
if her heart would ever bounce back
If she can ever recover. .

If she can look at her own reflection and not think of him
Or what he thinks of her...

....for a second....

If she didn't despise herself.
Sometimes slapping her face to wake up from this insanity..
If she can ever mute his stinky words and grins

If there were a re-set button to re-set her life
To fast forward this pain,
This agony,
This phase that she was in..
To heal..
To move on,

To never ever look back.
Or relapse.. back to his freaky lab..

How many times did she try?
Promised her self she would never look back...
And she was back

Because she was
a junkie..
His junkie
A beautiful junkie who didnt know her worth..
A broken bird.  with broken wings
that couldnt go far or fly
her wings;
injured..
Cut off.
Or maybe she forgot they exist
.
Because for so long ..
so long....
She blamed herself
For being
A culprit
an accomplice, 

Didn't she break her own wings with her own hands..?
Didnt she submit to him ? Cave in to him..?
Didn't she come back willingly when she could've run..?

Maybe..
She was deceived
Maybe
She was Brainwashed
And Maybe
She thought this was love. ..real love

Isnt love..
A-sacrificing
B-undrestanding
And
C- for better or worse?

Maybe this was worse..
Maybe she was too weak to handle the worse..

But deep down..
That voice remained..
Reminding her
No matter how hard she tried to silence it,  kill it, justify it
It was too loud
Too deafening.

So she...
cried on it
slept on it,
Prayed on it..
Google search on it;

"What is a toxic relationship?
How do you know if you're in a toxic relationship
Who is a narcissist?
What are the sings of narcissistic personality disorder?
How do I deal with a narcissist?
Is it possible to love a narcissist?
Am I too weak ?"

And maybe she was new to this love thing

But this is what google search said:

Dear junki,
his junkie,
beautiful junkie,

I CAN'T tell you what love is
but I can certainly tell you what love isnt:

1-love isnt suppose to hurt or make you fear
2-love isnt a power struggle where you exercise you superiority over your mate
3-love isn't criticism,  belittling,  controlling, or supressing
4-love isnt supposed to bring you down to your knees
5-love isnt comparing you to others in an evil ploit to make you feel less
6-a lover doesn't exploit you, or your secrets and use them against you
7-love doesn't equate to obsession or possession

And so she stood up

Towering him and her own fears
Her abandonment issues
Her co-dependency...
She was no longer the prisoner of his whims and needs
And so she decided to break free. 

She was..
the prize,
the moon,
the sun,
the universe,
and the skies..

And no one could ever, ever, AGAIN tell her OTHERWISE .

By: Asia Aboosy