A Dialogue Between Two Xalimoos...

Xalimo 1: heyyyy Xalimo 2,, OMG your eyebrows are on fleeek. You look GORGEOUS!

Xalimo2: Xalimo 1 STOP. You know am gaining weight those days. My skirts are getting tighter and tighter like everrrryday!

Xalimo 1: someone got up on the wrong side of the bed today. Whatsup girlfriend? Did HE not text you back last night? *giggles*

Xalimo2:: He didn’t. L He texted this morning saying he was busy all night and didn’t see my text.

Xalimo 1: Girl he is a F****ng liar. Nowadays people be taking their phones with 'em to the washroom, What do you mean he didn’t SEE your text. I told you he is playing you. Those Faraxs with sugary words making xalimoos fall into their jars like a moth drawn to a flame. Drop him like a hot potato before he dumps you. I tell you lady.

Xalimo2: But I love him, aad ban u jeclahay nooh. I mean how can you explain all those compliments he gave me, all those rosy poetic words that captured my heart from the first day. Are you sure you read all the messages I screenshot and send you? *she says with a gasp*

Xalimo 1: It doesn’t matter. WAKE UP nayaa. What is wrong with you? He is OBVIOUSLY a player. Decent men can’t even verbalize their emotions yareey. Iska iloow.

Xalimo2: Maybe you’re right. But he ticked all my right boxes from day 1. Do you know how rare it is to find a decent Farax at our age?

 Xalimo 1: heeeey wa nagtaa.  You’re crazy I swear. What boxes exactly??? He aint loyal. He aint decent. He aint considerate. Girl He aint even a good liar ‘claiming he didn’t see your text’ what a lame excuse ?? what happened to keeping our standards high huh??  

 You, Naya, is educated. You is semi-wadad. *LAUGHS* You is fine. You is articulate. You is from a good family. What is happening to you abayoo?? 

Xalimo2: I don’t know. I just feel pressured by habaryaroyin and the rest of the girls getting married and shit.

Xalimo 1: Abayoo, just because everyone is doing it, settling down for less, doesn’t mean we should do it too. Your right Farax is around the corner Inshallah. Dont rush into being a Garoob (Divorcee)

Like that Saying goes  “The devil takes a hand in what is done in haste”. We will wait our Calaf, and in the mean time, we will keep our heads, heels and standards high.  On another note, what  exactly have you been doing with, you know?

Xalimo2: I don't know what your talking about *giggles*. Pass me the donut PLEASE. *roll eyes*

Xalimo 1: Hahahah I won’t let you. Yalla, we are late from class. 

That Night, Small talk with the Beardy Man...

.

She rubbed her hands with her teary eyes. She looked away from the computer monitor she has been staring at for the past three hours. She stood up to the window bar. The stars were scattered around the dark sky surrounding the half white shiny moon. The city looked sleeping and quite from her fifth floor small apartment.

The clock was ticking past midnight. Tomorrow was Monday.  She hated Mondays because they were the epiphany of her resentments towards the system ‘who invented this Monday to Friday work thing’ she always cursed that man who structured human life and doomed their creativity forever or ‘till after retirement’ as if there were enough brain cells left to fire at that age. who are they kidding!'

Creativity needed efforts, breathed consistency and most importantly took time and courage. She didn’t have time nor energy for it.

She recently craved for something; or someone and she didn’t know what medicine to take.

Suddenly, she walked to her coat stand, grabbed her blue jacket and Hijab, put on her boots and shut the front door behind her. Ops ‘I hope I didn’t wake anybody’ she thought

She walked to the park beside their condominium, which  was just about  five minutes away, aside from her morning jogs she never visited this park at this time or seen it’s light, or seen the homeless people sleeping on the benches all alone in this weather.

One of them was awake staring at her through his smoke circles  , she did not feel scared or frightened as usual, like when she passes through the train subways when coming late from work, fearing to be killed for a laptop or pushed over because of the cloth wrapped around her head. ‘Some people feared that cloth smh’

“It’s very cold Ma’am, what are you doing out here, this hour” he said with a high pitch voice, she almost feared he woke up the whole neighborhood “nothing sir, I couldn’t sleep so I was just having a walk around here” she said coming close to his bench, surprised with her newly found bravery at 1 am.

“You couldn’t sleep in your warm bed?” he threw a discontinuous laugh that sounded struggling on its way up “lets switch tonight, yeh?” he suggested, followed by a short giggle again and put the cigarette back to his beardy mouth.

She felt grateful to her warm bed.
“Do you mind telling me since when this bench is your home?”

“Since the police chased me from CityLab neighborhood” “I wasn’t always homeless, you know, I used to have a life like you and worry about other stuffs, now all I worry about is my next bite and where to put my head....I have a daughter about your age, who lives in another state, she is married with four kids, I never told her because I don’t want to add into her worries. She is a good girl”

Hasna suddenly said “have you had dinner tonight sir? “

 “No, I had 4 cigarettes so far, it’s enough to make my stomach warm till tomorrow” he giggled with his discontinues laugh . “Wait a minute sir” said Hasna her eyes lightening up. “I’m not going anywhere young girl“

She ran back to her apartment ignoring the growing cold in her feet. Sneaked into the door, tip toed around, opened the full fridge. There were plenty of leftovers from her mother’s feast yesterday. Her mother had a habit of inviting community mothers over to their place at Saturday evenings and cooking her best recipes. She never hid her agenda of looking a decent husband for her daughter of 28.  Who was gradually exhibiting the typical attitude of (Gumees) spinsters, not even projecting the audacity of helping her hoyoo in front of their guests,who were usually keen observants and loved to exercise their tongues often .

She packed the leftovers in what she could find of plastic containers in the kitchen. She thought it was 2 days worthy of food for the bench man. She tip toed again. And shut the door behind her.

That night she slept on her warm bed. Not hating on the system or on Mondays .Not thinking she was jailed living. Aware of all of her blessings, including her bed and hoyoo. ‘

She decided that tomorrow will be a new day, that Face book  or negative emotions will not eat 3 hours of her precious time. There is nothing wrong with being single and 28? Her Mom should stop making her feel bad or calling her gumees or saying “nayaa asaga wala qaba” whenever she complains of something. ‘calaf was calf’ what meant to you is meant to you and its not going anywhere.

Her medicine was in her head.

Who's Gonna Clean ?! 

I am not mean I am just trynna be keen to your origina-lity 

I see the whole world crumbling around me with bruta-lity

Wars, diseases, dirty politics and infidelity

Lies, broken hearts and rivers of tears filled with icy fatality

Sick minded people burning with filthy desires, fu**ing disgusting

What?? They want to legalize bestiality? And chill around free, like its freaking normality?

See, I am not mean I’m just keen to all that’s around me, this world has become craaa-zy 

Rivers of blood flowing everywhere and all we like is a selfie posted by the Karadshian fam-ily

Screams of dread..groans for a piece of bread. Shot..Dead...before the groan was even heard, before 

his tear touched the shore of his lip

The whole world is deaf by the latest justin song, or a viral stupid skit

See, no one wants to think deep or weep, everyone want to fit and sit, squeeze themselves into something they will never be

I feel sorry for the dead humanity, where are the religious leaders when they’re needed in the scene?

The whole world needs to be cleaned, but who’s clean to clean?

I wish I can see hope in the eyes of the 5 years old boy, But all I see is a generation enslaved by technology with no apology

I see neighbors who feed in each other’s misery

I see blind hate fluctuating in places where love used to call his residency 

I see division and hatred growing everyday more than the babies in the Philippines

Where is resiliency ? Chivalry ? Dignity ? were they intimated by the brutality ?

But I’m still faithful, a strong believer in my God above the seven heavens
And what he wills will always be


Peace;

Asia Aboosy

                                                                                                                                                                

I

I will bring a Farax to my Aabo

After I hit 18, my dad started telling this to me "Aabo ciida rabtiid gurso lakin make sure inu Somali ahaado,  balwadna wa inu laheyn' translation: Bring me a Somali man with no drug addictions when you want to marry. 

I never argued with Aabo (dad) but I always wondered and thought to myself 'why?' 'why did aabo constrain me into our Somali ethnicity? to Somali men only? ' Yes I was a Somali, I still am. And will always be. But my dad started giving me those talks even before I went to Somalia. Even before my Somali identity matured.

As a girl who was born in Canada, lived her whole life in the diaspora, I  never fully understood why. I felt it was fairly normal to marry from any race long as that person was Muslim and feared Allah. I didn't get it. Growing up, I thought I had the right to marry whomever despite their race and culture.

Ever since I was a child I was raised by the Islamic teachings and prophetic examples. I lived in a family that upheld Islamic morals and my parents taught me the difference between HALAL and HARAM at an early age. Alhamdulilah.  So I always knew which lines to not cross, which rules to be followed, what roads should be avoided, and what pools to not swim in. In short, I knew what was permissible.

There is a common notion going around though. Rumours has it that many Somali diaspora girls think that they are better than their Farax counterparts. I, too, was infected by that bug.

I used to always think I will never get a decent Somali brother, who treated me well. A guy who didn't treat me like a second-class person just because I wasn't a man. I was always on the defence; on the lookout for myself and my Somali sisters. Interpreting every single word a Farax spits to fit my own misconceptions. My own fallacies. As if Farax is my enemy. As if Farax wouldn't be happy if I succeeded. As if ALL Faraxs were inherently bad. and more importantly, as if all Faraxs were THE SAME!. As if OTHER men were free from this patriarchy, or this egocentrism, which is only more overt, or apparent, with our brothers because of PROXIMITY.

We hear horror stories about Faraxs because of A)proximity: we live in our own communities and so we hear more stories about our own. We know more about their shortcomings and their failures. We are more aware because we grew up with them. And more importantly, B) Somali people have this tendency to focus on the negative rather than focusing on the positive. It's sooo ingrained in us we do not even know when we are doing it. It's the same culture that perpetuates shame. We dismiss the good quality of the person and just keep ranting about their shortcomings and GENERALIZE it. Like get over it. 

I hate fake feminism. That's what many Somali women are guilty of. Warriors of the internet and Twitter who only excel in degrading Somali men and exposing their flaws. 

 Even though I don't care about being politically correct all the time. It's good to admit that it's not black and white especially with those issues. In fact, there are many factors that contribute to the ever widening-gap between Somali men and women, to the mistrust and cynicism that is so ingrained now with every Somali sister I know. especially in the diasporas. And there are reasons for it. but this post is for those who like to generalize and hate on Somali men. 

Don't get me wrong though! I am not defending the wrong practices of Faraxs. I am not submitting those bad ideologies or habits. I am not defending irresponsible Qaat chewing Faraxs who neglected themselves before their families. I am not defending Faraxs who think they know better  JUST because of their birth lottery.

All am saying is ENOUGH. Enough with the hasty generalizing and verbal attacks that lead to dead ends. Enough, with the self-fulfilling prophecy that many of us are guilty of. Enough, with the SELF-HATE. Yes, I said it. I am calling it what it is. To hate Faraxs is to self-hate. (if you can come up with another name please let me know!).

Of course, our families know better, our Aabos know better. Our Hoyoos 'mothers' know better. There is an undeniable wisdom that breeds with age and experience.  Even if we don't realize it at the time.

Statistics tell us that interracial marriages are doomed to fail. More so than marriages within one's own ethnicity. (and I didn't say they never succeed).

Because marriage is a hectic business on its own, without it facing additional hardships that unveil and challenges your sanity as soon as the honeymoon is over. Don't believe the hype on Instagram. JUST DO'NT.

How many Somali girls do you know that married an Ajnabi and are divorced now? On the other hand, how many other divorcees from Faraxs do you know? OF COURSE, the answer is many. (refer to A & B lol) But guess what, we can work on those issues and the challenges can hopefully be resolved. I can't say the same thing about the inter-racial ones! 

So let's not run from our issues and meet them on Twitter. let's not pretend that all fault is on Faraxs. That all Xalimos are perfect.

We can find a good romance in our community. It is possible. I tell you.

Yes, Faraxs who are romantic and emotionally available exist (for those of you who doubt). Faraxs that defy all odds. Faraxs that are like no other with their Aklaaq 'character' and good dabaceed. Faraxs that treat you right according to the prophetic teachings. Faraxs who will make you happy with his HALAL pocket that runs deep (even though you shouldn't be relying on anyone when it comes to your happiness). However, there's a strong correlation between one's relationship status and their level of happiness. Your romantic relationship, good or bad, will definitely affect your mental health. 

I now follow my Aabo's advice to the heart. I know my aabo has my best interest in mind. So, I will bring him a Farax with good Akhlaq and no Qaat issues. A farax that is addicted to Canjeero and Shaah. One that wears macaawis and is comfortable with dacas. lol. Inshallah!

I no longer think ALL faraxs are bad or misogynistic, and for the ones who think so, I think you should reevaluate.

In Fact, I am passing this advice to my future children Inshallah. Jazakallhu Kheyran Aabo!

Salaam!

#Faraxs #SomaliMarraige #Interracialmarriages #Parentsadvice #Somalinimo #Somaliculture #Positivethinking #Selflove

I will never be 'BOXED' or 'MEASURED' 

There is always pressure on girls almost in every culture. Pressure to look good but not too pretty. To feel confident; but not too bossy. To be educated; but not too educated of course. To be opinionated just the right amount so you won't offend others (mostly men). To be ambitious; but not threatening.

 It's even more funny when that pressure is imposed by other girls, who judge you based on your eyebrows or mispronunciation, or worse, by your hand bag!! Girls who would gossip about you for weeks if you don't choose to buy the latest Diraac in town to the wedding of a distant friend! (naaa noooo am wiser than that)

That pressure comes in different forms and colors. It comes from different people as well. From family to friends and YES sometimes from strangers, no matter how absurd that sounds.

In our Somali culture which is both family oriented and very vocal. We often find ourselves on the spot all the time. They won't even hide their opinions about you; they will throw it on your face even if it hurts. ‘When will she get married?’ , they will start asking as soon as you reach 20! and will treat you like a gumees (spinster) When will she stop talking back (they doubt you will ever keep a husband that's if you ever succeed in haunting one from the first place!). Why is she so fat "what do you feed her? (alla maxaa siisa) why do you allow her to eat!!", they will ask your hoyoo right in front of your face while your bowing down in front of them serving them shah (tea). Just roll your eyes until you can’t see her, block your ear holes with your lost pubils and walk away.

You can apply the same technique with whoever bothers you or make fun of you. You don’t have to see them. You don’t have to listen to them. Block them from your life.

This constant pressure and nagging criticism could haunt down even the one with the strongest personality among us, the one that seem to not care or give an eff about it. And damned are you if you’re cursed with a perfectionist or pleasing personality like I do! 

Because the fact that matter is, people will always talk, especially the lifeless ones who deliberately stay on food stamps and welfare when they have the ability to work, and definitely the time! 

So don’t ever accept to be boxed or measured by a friend or anyone. Don’t get scared away from following your dreams and trying them out just because ‘people will laugh at you’. Don’t be afraid of 'going out and about' with your natural unmasked face even if your eyebrows weren’t 'on fleek'. 

Be yourself no matter what!.Celebrate yourself no matter who disagrees. Get comfortable with your skin and surround yourself with people who encourage you. People with positive attitude and if you feel like someone is bothering you roll your eyes back and block them right away. Un-follow their bull**t. 

Yes.Be selfish with your energy. Otherwise cheap people will continue talking and draining your energy and creativity. Until you turn into a zombie, a corpse that looks alive when it actually stopped living long time ago; when it first started listening to’ the others’ and muted its inner voice. 

So say it out loud to yourself and to others, Say it out loud with me  ' I WILL NEVER BE BOXED OR MEASURED' ' I WILL NEVER LISTEN TO HATERS or NAYSAYERS'. 'I AM ME'.

By: Asia Aboosy