It's Almost Winter..

It’s ‘almost’ winter again, and I’m anxious.

I am so f**king anxious.
Like, ‘I cant breathe anxious.’
Like ‘almost cryin anxious’. 

It's like there’s a knot twisting inside my stomach,
and I can't stop it from turning and twitching.
Convulse, sharp spasms I feel at my core
And I cant focus..on anything
I cant ‘turn it off.’

Last ‘summer'...
I thought I ‘found’ it.
I thought I ‘figured things out.’
Thought I got ‘rid’ of it.
That, I made my peace with it.

But now,

I’m reminded of terrible memories.
And a terrible person
And the terrible person ‘I was’.

This season is the season that held me back and tried to break my soul.
This season attempted to crash me and change me
To change my features until I was ‘unrecognizable,' ‘uncontrolable.’
This season is now a period I no longer look forward to..and , frankly, despise. 

The gloomy, foggy weather.
The sight and sound of rain on the streets
The sight of ‘footsteps’ on the snow.
The shadows lurking behind the masked weather.

I hate you ‘winter.' My heart still shivers because of you.

Once upon a time, I didn’t mind you, or your existence.
And now
Now, you make me feel anxious and scared
Terrified to look back, fall back, and ‘regress.’

When I know, I ‘progressed’
When I know, I am no longer ‘Addicted or ‘Nostalgic.’ 

But I do admit this. Because you know, that 'cowardice' was never my trade 

I do 'sometimes' miss you.
Like you were someone else’s past
Like you were someone else’s 'season'

I am no longer ‘attached.’

By: Asia Aboosy 

#Poem 
#Seasons 
#WritingMode 
#ProcastinatingWoirk