Minnesota City had taught me so many lessons in just nine days. And I am looking to embrace whatever more she has to offer to me.

I have experienced so many different emotions in such very short amount of time that a normal person shouldn’t be experiencing all at once..Because emotions need to take their time to build up, unveil and fade away..but to cut off emotions at the middle of them processing just to experience a whole another one, is just frustrating , exhausting and nice all at once.

Hope, despair,believe, frustration, excitement, needy, dependent, happy, and handicapped, than thankful to Allah.

I felt that cramp pain of an illegal immigrant who don’t belong anywhere, who feels helpless and paralyzed because his entire future is void and hanged upon a piece of paper that he can’t find or provide. No matter how talented or skilful he is, he’s just a number to them, an immigrant with no rights or authority in this country. I felt that, I experienced that, though it was once something I used to read about, empathize and pray for those who were forced to live in such circumstances, May Allah help them and us Ameen.

I was hopeful when I was first heading to Minnesota, I have so many close relatives in this place, plus Minnesota is the home to the largest population of Somalis in North America, in my line of work as a psychologist, activist and an aspiring writer here is a good place to start and establish myself and a career in, i love being involved with the community work and helping my people so we could all thrive together and help in the betterment of the Somali we all belong to.

But when I was faced with all the legal obstacles and all the requirements to apply for a graduate school or apply for work, I felt sad and at some point or points rather i thought of giving it all up and just going back to Canada where i wouldn’t have go through all this but also wouldn’t have the prospect of a similar successful future i envision for myself in here..Because that what I do best, I plan, I envision I calculate pros and cons than act...

Than something happens a relative calls and tell me of a possible job with a good company then my hopes get high again..and I do it all over again..

I am faithful person i do have Iman “faith” in Allah and the fate that’s written for me...Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala says in the holy Qura’an

“وعسى  ان تكرهو شيئا وهو خير  لكم وعسى ان  تحبو شيئا وهو شر لكم  والله يعلم وانتم لا  تعلمون ”

“But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you, But Allah knoweth, and ye know not”

This knowledge always settles down my heart and fill me with ease and positivity, Allah knows what is best for me or where i will thrive and grow best, i am but a human being with so limited awareness and knowledge that cant foresee the future...and i trust in Allah period.

But still the feeling of being dependent at 25 isn’t fun or pleasant. I feel shameful it makes me feel useless.  Though this stage is a transitional period, but yet i can’t help but to feel that way.

 The fact that after my parents taught me and spend on me all these years and struggled to give me the best of everything on their personal expense, and now once i graduated I still didn’t sail my ships and be my own captain, is frustrating and not easy to endure...I feel needy, dependent, handicapped and unfulfilled all at once.

So i double my efforts to find a job, any job, even if am overqualified for it, I just need to sail my ship, i just wanna get rid of these feelings for once and for all.

But within this free period I volunteered with my sister in a nearby mosque that provides food for Iftar “breaking fast” for the Somali community every day.

I volunteered in the kitchen part where they cook meals that should cover for at least for 200 people. That’s a big number hey!

So we cook in a big kitchen restaurants like with high temperature and everything is just so huge including cookers or ovens and the amount of food to be cooked..it is a nice experience ..yes tiring beyond imaginable but nice...i learned to respect food more when i dine in restaurants and don’t criticize much because there are people burning in the kitchen literary just to deliver fine food for you..so I ought to show some appreciation to their effort.

Those who know me know that am not a big fan of cooking, it’s not that i hate it, but i just do it for survival if i ever willingly went inside the kitchen to cook with no coercion hahahah . but with this new activity I learned to appreciate small cooking “lhahahah” and am happy that i did.

However, the best thing about it is when we reach Iftar time and everything is done and we are sending off the food for the fasting people who came to the Masjid, its just amazing feeling, the feeling that your small effort had played a role in delivering something so big and holy like breaking the fast of all these muslim people..Priceless.

At those moments i feel blessed that Allah gave me the strength and good health to help other people and use my youth in a good cause, Alhumduililah J

But comes Tarweeh Prayer time and I see this beautiful lady with two adorable cute kids, Mashallah, and i had an impression that they were a little happy family, and maaan isnt looks deceiving!

The next day after Iftar time, while we were in the kitchen of the mosque, doing post cleaning, she approached me and asked politely if i could pour some more food for her for Suhuur time, the food we eat before sunrise to sustain our fast during the day, i said sure, and i start giving her plastic dishes...but then she said please pour it for me and she showed some bandages on her wrists from an emergency entery to the hospital, she said they were living in a shelter, she and her kids, and that they cant cook...she said they moved there from the state of Indiana after a fire burn down there place there...and that she entered hospital because her health couldn’t handle the over thinking and stress because of their situation.

I felt so sorry for her, and i thought how many more people are praying with us in the mosque, maybe the person who is in your shoulder, and you think there okay, because they didn’t complain or say, but there suffering from inside..Oh Allah help them overcome their difficulties , oh Ameen..

Those are the ones that Allah mentioned in the Qura’an when he(SWT) said:

“يَحْسَبُهُمُ  الْجَاهِلُ أَغْنِيَاء مِنَ  التَّعَفُّفِ تَعْرِفُهُم بِسِيمَاهُمْ  لاَ يَسْأَلُونَ النَّاسَ إِلْحَافاً “

“An ignorant [person] would think them self-sufficient because of their restraint, but you will know them by their [characteristic] sign. They do not ask people persistently [or at all].”

So what am I really complaining off? What are we complaining about? All these blessings Allah gave us health, food, shelter, security and more..and we still complain, we still find something missing, feel insufficient, that we missing on so many things out there, when really all the inadequacy is coming from within us, because we never really look inward we just look outward and forward....
som people have it way worse than you and me and we're just busy complaining..get over yourself "that's to me hahahha"

Let’s just for a moment pause and look around and thank Allah for all his blessings upon us...Lets us be more compassionate with the less fortunate and never make them feel less or poorer... Ya Allah thank you for everything, Alhumduiliah again and again J

So i might have been in a roller coaster of emotions and crazy fast feelings, but i landed in a very peaceful place, where I reflect in a macro level.

Yes, it’s a temporary stage and probably that’s why am going through all these emotions because everything seem shaky and unstable...and it’s just a stage and more stages will come along Inshallah..so cheer up Asia.

So yeah Minnesota had taught me so many things in just 9 days, and it yet has so many more in the store, i hope i don’t have to leave this beautiful city...because i see myself in here...if Allah says of course.