Minnesota City
had taught me so many lessons in just nine days. And I am looking to embrace
whatever more she has to offer to me.
I have
experienced so many different emotions in such very short amount of time that a
normal person shouldn’t be experiencing all at once..Because emotions need to
take their time to build up, unveil and fade away..but to cut off emotions at
the middle of them processing just to experience a whole another one, is just
frustrating , exhausting and nice all at once.
Hope,
despair,believe, frustration, excitement, needy, dependent, happy, and handicapped,
than thankful to Allah.
I felt that
cramp pain of an illegal immigrant who don’t belong anywhere, who feels
helpless and paralyzed because his entire future is void and hanged upon a
piece of paper that he can’t find or provide. No matter how talented or skilful
he is, he’s just a number to them, an immigrant with no rights or authority in
this country. I felt that, I experienced that, though it was once something I
used to read about, empathize and pray for those who were forced to live in
such circumstances, May Allah help them and us Ameen.
I was
hopeful when I was first heading to Minnesota, I have so many close relatives
in this place, plus Minnesota is the home to the largest population of Somalis in North America, in my line of work as a
psychologist, activist and an aspiring writer here is a good place to start and
establish myself and a career in, i love being involved with the community work
and helping my people so we could all thrive together and help in the
betterment of the Somali we all belong to.
But when I
was faced with all the legal obstacles and all the requirements to apply for a
graduate school or apply for work, I felt sad and at some point or points
rather i thought of giving it all up and just going back to Canada where i
wouldn’t have go through all this but also wouldn’t have the prospect of a
similar successful future i envision for myself in here..Because that what I do
best, I plan, I envision I calculate pros and cons than act...
Than
something happens a relative calls and tell me of a possible job with a good
company then my hopes get high again..and I do it all over again..
I am
faithful person i do have Iman “faith” in Allah and the fate that’s written for
me...Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala says in the holy Qura’an
“وعسى ان تكرهو شيئا وهو خير لكم وعسى ان تحبو شيئا وهو شر لكم والله يعلم وانتم لا تعلمون ”
“But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good
for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you, But Allah knoweth, and
ye know not”
This knowledge always settles down my heart and fill me
with ease and positivity, Allah knows what is best for me or where i will
thrive and grow best, i am but a human being with so limited awareness and
knowledge that cant foresee the future...and i trust in Allah period.
But still the feeling of being dependent at 25 isn’t fun
or pleasant. I feel shameful it makes me feel useless. Though this stage is a transitional period,
but yet i can’t help but to feel that way.
The fact that
after my parents taught me and spend on me all these years and struggled to
give me the best of everything on their personal expense, and now once i
graduated I still didn’t sail my ships and be my own captain, is frustrating
and not easy to endure...I feel needy, dependent, handicapped and unfulfilled
all at once.
So i double my efforts to find a job, any job, even if am
overqualified for it, I just need to sail my ship, i just wanna get rid of
these feelings for once and for all.
But within this free period I volunteered with my sister
in a nearby mosque that provides food for Iftar “breaking fast” for the Somali
community every day.
I volunteered in the kitchen part where they cook meals
that should cover for at least for 200 people. That’s a big number hey!
So we cook in a big kitchen restaurants like with high
temperature and everything is just so huge including cookers or ovens and the
amount of food to be cooked..it is a nice experience ..yes tiring beyond
imaginable but nice...i learned to respect food more when i dine in restaurants
and don’t criticize much because there are people burning in the kitchen
literary just to deliver fine food for you..so I ought to show some
appreciation to their effort.
Those who know me know that am not a big fan of cooking, it’s
not that i hate it, but i just do it for survival if i ever willingly went
inside the kitchen to cook with no coercion hahahah . but with this new
activity I learned to appreciate small cooking “lhahahah” and am happy that i
did.
However, the best thing about it is when we reach Iftar
time and everything is done and we are sending off the food for the fasting
people who came to the Masjid, its just amazing feeling, the feeling that your
small effort had played a role in delivering something so big and holy like
breaking the fast of all these muslim people..Priceless.
At those moments i feel blessed that Allah gave me the
strength and good health to help other people and use my youth in a good cause,
Alhumduililah J
But comes Tarweeh Prayer time and I see this beautiful
lady with two adorable cute kids, Mashallah, and i had an impression that they
were a little happy family, and maaan isnt looks deceiving!
The next day after Iftar time, while we were in the
kitchen of the mosque, doing post cleaning, she approached me and asked
politely if i could pour some more food for her for Suhuur time, the food we
eat before sunrise to sustain our fast during the day, i said sure, and i start
giving her plastic dishes...but then she said please pour it for me and she
showed some bandages on her wrists from an emergency entery to the hospital,
she said they were living in a shelter, she and her kids, and that they cant
cook...she said they moved there from the state of Indiana after a fire burn
down there place there...and that she entered hospital because her health
couldn’t handle the over thinking and stress because of their situation.
I felt so sorry for her, and i thought how many more
people are praying with us in the mosque, maybe the person who is in your
shoulder, and you think there okay, because they didn’t complain or say, but
there suffering from inside..Oh Allah help them overcome their difficulties , oh
Ameen..
Those are the ones that Allah mentioned in the Qura’an
when he(SWT) said:
“يَحْسَبُهُمُ الْجَاهِلُ أَغْنِيَاء مِنَ التَّعَفُّفِ تَعْرِفُهُم بِسِيمَاهُمْ لاَ يَسْأَلُونَ النَّاسَ إِلْحَافاً “
“An ignorant [person]
would think them self-sufficient because of their restraint, but you will know
them by their [characteristic] sign. They do not ask people persistently [or at
all].”
So what am I really
complaining off? What are we complaining about? All these blessings Allah gave
us health, food, shelter, security and more..and we still complain, we still
find something missing, feel insufficient, that we missing on so many things
out there, when really all the inadequacy is coming from within us, because we
never really look inward we just look outward and forward....
som people have it way worse than you and me and we're just busy complaining..get over yourself "that's to me hahahha"
Let’s just for a moment pause
and look around and thank Allah for all his blessings upon us...Lets us be more
compassionate with the less fortunate and never make them feel less or
poorer... Ya Allah thank you for everything, Alhumduiliah again and again J
So i might have been in a
roller coaster of emotions and crazy fast feelings, but i landed in a very
peaceful place, where I reflect in a macro level.
Yes, it’s a temporary
stage and probably that’s why am going through all these emotions because
everything seem shaky and unstable...and it’s just a stage and more stages will
come along Inshallah..so cheer up Asia.
So yeah Minnesota had
taught me so many things in just 9 days, and it yet has so many more in the
store, i hope i don’t have to leave this beautiful city...because i see myself
in here...if Allah says of course.
